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have cheetah,will review #4 – Mercenaries

Its 11:54 pm

After a long break of watching Dollar Tree Theater films,the cheetah and I decided to venture into the “unseen” stack and watch a movie.
He chose “Mercenaries” after I showed him a few Cynthia Rothrock clips on YouTube and told him she was in this movie.
I popped up a bag of Pop Secret and poured a cup of green tea…I slipped the disc in and settled back with Paladin to watch a kick ass action flick.

I about spilled my popcorn and tea when I saw this movie was a “mockbuster” from our “favorite” studio,The Asylum. The same studio that brought us “The Age of Tomorrow”,a film that I almost lost my fanboy card for watching. That movie was so damn awful…I still get razzed on the fact not only did I watch this dreck,I SHARED it with fellow fanboys.
I looked at the DVD box again….there was NO way this was an Asylum release!! With a cast of Cynthia Rothrock,Kristanna Loken,Zoe Bell,the mighty Vivica A. Fox and a name that caught me by surprise,Nicole Bilderback,whom I hadn’t seen since she did “Bring It On”.

So with a solid cast like this,it was an amazing movie,right? Well,I will say this….the plot,thinner then a sheet of paper,is a mash-up of The Expendables meets Escape From New York. The President’s daughter is kidnapped by a rogue female warlord (Bridgette Nielson) and unless the US sets her in power of her nation,she will kill the President’s daughter (slowly of course).
Rothrock plays an CIA chief (with purple highlights in her hair) who has to find 4 tough female expendables in order to get the job done. Zoe Bell is the Snake Plissken of the group,all edges and toughness. Loken plays the sharpshooter,Bilderback is both a pilot and an explosives expert while Fox was a CIA operator that went rogue.

What makes a movie like this so frustrating is while they spent the money they seem to have on a good cast,that is ALL they spent it on. Short of a few inner building shots,the whole movie looks like it was shot at a high school and a old West ghost town. I mean,I know The Asylum productions are cheap,cheap,cheap but why put together a pretty decent cast and spend squat on a any idea of a script? This actually could have been a nice little action gem but for the complete lack of care in the direction of this film. When you use Cynthia Rothrock for one 20 second fight,you know you need to rethink of what you are doing. This is one you should skip completely.


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