blogging / Life / Lori / writing

Isn’t Lonely Lovely?

It’s 6:12 pm

So I am supposed to be writing a new “Have Cheetah,Will Review” but am having trouble coming up with the words needed for the review.
I guess I have been distracted ever since I saw my friend Radha ask the difference between alone and lonely in relation to losing a spouse/soulmate or life in general.
So in my case….

Am I lonely? No,not really. I have a full-time job,a cheetah that makes me laugh,am starting to volunteer again and of course,watch a lot of Dollar Tree Theater.
The real test to this came about 3 months ago when the one friend I had and did activities with got a new relationship and decided to cut our friendship for no reason at all. No warning,no discussion…just “fuck you” and that was it.
Was I upset at this? Yes and no…..no,I am not personally mad because I actually had been encouraging this person to get back into dating again,she has a lot to offer and I know she was attracted to the person she liked. The steps to the relationship wasn’t easy,there had been a couple of false starts and looking back at it,the same thing happened back then too. I got a date,don’t need anything from you….until it didn’t turn out as planned and soon enough my friend started wanting to hang out again. No biggie because I enjoy her company.

trust
What I am pissed off about and have kept my mouth shut until now is my friend was very upset when the same thing to her with another close friend. This person was a former co-worker who along with my friend,reached out to me after Lori’s passing.
The three of us hung out for coffee and did a couple of volunteer projects together.
We noticed her discussions started leaning right in how she saw the world and shortly after getting a new job,she cut ties with everyone from our work. Cold turkey,just like that.
Since I didn’t know her that well and simply because I really didn’t care,it didn’t upset ME personally. But it really hurt my friend very much and for that reason,I was pissed off.
She was perplexed and wondered what or if her lifestyle offended her,if something was said that wasn’t true,political reasons…she wanted to know why the friendship was broken.  It bothered her (and still does) greatly. When the former co-worker started to slowly come around again,she would talk to others but barely said a word to my friend.
It hurt her feelings because she didn’t deserve to be treated like that…..so you can get the strange sense of irony and hypocrisy when my friend did the same thing to our friendship.
The only difference is I know why she cut the cord so to speak. She has a new relationship and needs to focus on that. But to turn around and do the very exact thing that happened to you??? Yeah,I don’t need nor want any of that crap.

lone
So,am I feeling lonely? Honestly….no. I have had little desire to do much of anything…until Radha posted that question. This situation can be incredibly dangerous for widows/widowers,a lot of people rise up to take advantage of them,emotionally,financially,sexually and of course all of the above. I know folks who have gone through this..they are either afraid to be alone or lonely and so reach out for human contact. In two cases,their willingness to share their experiences have spared me any potential traps. Not that I was going along that route because I sure as hell haven’t but being aware of WHAT could happen by rushing before one is ready…
Some people can’t stand being alone,they need people around them all the time,they
I have reached out to one person,my friend Sharon. We met last year and walked a few times over the summer.  I think she was skeptical when I told her upfront I just wanted a light friendship. She said that many men have said that to her but by the 3rd or 4th date,they want more. I can understand that because she is a kind woman with a wonderful heart and that men are attracted to that as a whole…and I think I surprised her a bit when in fact,I was true to my word and have been respectful of her feelings. I find her company to be very nice and I find myself trying to make her laugh because she has a good laugh.
I do find myself battling isolation,getting up and going to work,going home and shutting the door. I was invited to a group dinner but as the date got closer ,I found myself just wanting to go home and doing my usual routines. I guess I am preferring my own company..I know I tend to want to be alone during May-July more then any other time.
I do want contact but strictly on my terms and conditions….I hope I’m not coming across as rambling (but if I am,Michelle will tell me,right???)

lone2

This post has taken forever to write…..so many mixed emotions run through me as I attempt to put words on paper.

My neighbors Justin and Erica are selling their house. I will be welcoming in my 3rd family since Lori and I moved here in 2006. I had a feeling when I saw a sudden exodus of decent furniture sitting on the curb,free to whoever wanted it and by how fast it went,a lot of folks did indeed want it.
The “For Sale” is now up and it won’t take long for it to sell…its a small house,really ideal for couples with maybe one child. The backyard is nice and maintained very well. I hope the new folks are as nice as Justin and Erica are…..
And coming home this week…..it seemed like half of my block was packing for vacation,cars were lined up when families packing gear. Sort of looked like the set of a disaster film with the way folks were bringing stuff out of the house.


The city where I live in has banned fireworks this year due to the extremely dry weather. It has been a very dry season,we get reports of potential thunderstorms 2-3 a week but they either fizzle out or stay in the Indiana/Ohio area and we stay dry.
The temps have been decent,nothing unbearably hot so far,a few days over 90 but just dry,dry,dry.
What is crazy is our city allows fireworks and there are vendors selling them and based on the traffic I have seen there,are doing very well. I am just wondering with a ban in place,will people respect that or be thoughtless and put them and their neighbors at risk?
The cheetah doesn’t care…we had our local Liberty Fest and they do a huge fireworks display,the festival is about 1 and a half miles from our house.
This year the city must have had some extra cash because the fireworks went on forever and they were LOUD as hell!!  Paladin wasn’t bothered at all….he just laid on his windowsill and looked outside. He really isn’t scared of anything….except running out of treats!!
I was conducting some business a couple of weeks ago. I usually see the same person and we have talked quite a bit about our lives. We can leave a conversation and three months go by and we see each and pick up where we left.
As we talked,she said her birthday was coming up and I asked her if she had any special plans. It took me by surprise when she said didn’t. I offered to take her out for dinner and she accepted. I then spent the next part of the week quite nervous because I haven’t asked anyone out on a “date” in over 16 years.
The day comes and I pick her up and we head out to eat. We started talking and I told her I would have thought she was seeing someone because she is really attractive and kind. It turns out she does have a boyfriend but their relationship is a little sideways because he is still emotionally fragile from a nasty divorce.
As she was telling this,I felt a huge weight come off my shoulders,not because I expecting anything because I sure as hell wasn’t….I just felt lighter and more at ease. We talked and enjoyed our dinner. I walked her to her car,gave her a quick hug and drove home.

Well that is it for now…..thanks for reading as always. And thank you in advance for dropping a comment or hitting the “Like” button.

If you are on Twitter please consider following me at Jinzo_2400

Shout outs –

Sharon – congratulations on your brand new granddaughter Alanna! You’re going to need a bigger stroller!!

Radha – thanks for asking your question

Penny aka The Prez – You are not allowed anymore vacations!!!

Cezanne – Sending you light and love in this most difficult week.

Phil Steele – SJSU 3rd in the MWC West Division? I think we can get second if we can get past Utah.

Phillip – Sounds like you had a awesome visit with your son. He really looks just like you.

Romey – Suicide Squad is coming up fast!!

Joe Sib – I didn’t know a week was 28 days!!

Jessica Cameron – The cheetah and I are looking forward to watching “Run Like Hell”
Well,he was looking forward to it til I told him it wasn’t about cheetahs….

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s