It’s 3:43 pm
Its a warm but grey day outside my den as I begin this entry. It has been a while since I dropped a entry so this will be all over the place and completely random. The cheetah is downstairs solaring,he is very happy to have the sun and his window back. I still haven’t gotten the bird feeder up as of yet but I have to clean the garage first which is going to happen next Saturday.
So I have some ice coffee going and I put on my favorite writing music on YouTube as we get into this.
Its the 19th today and of course this time of year is just very sad. Memories are everywhere I look. The last month of Lori’s journey was beginning,we were in hospice care and everyday was priceless,even when it was just taking care of her. Its all I see on a daily basis now,hell,its like that everyday but its a lot more emotional. I still feel and hear everything…her spirit was incredibly strong,she never complained except for the fact she couldn’t go outside and feel the air against her skin. But this was after she had gotten home from the U of Michigan hospital and her fistula suddenly presented itself so badly there wasn’t much we could do.
Today I cleaned a cabinet that held her cosmetics and potions. I can remember each item and where we were when we got them. It was hard to let it go but I am ready….I think. Tonight,I tackle the main bathroom and then try to figure out on how to get the room fixed. I have decided to do a small renovation on the bathroom,better toilet and have the sink drains snaked with new faucets installed. I know Lori and I had talked ever since we moved in about doing this….but life gets in the way at times. One new step I have started doing is making lists of things I have to do during the week. You would be surprised how unfocused I have become the past two years,I think I am doing well to feed the cheetah (and his litterbox),go to work,soak my feet and do laundry. The list seems to be helping quite a bit already,gotten a lot done that I have neglected. One thing I am sort of happy about is the house is clean and has always been. But it needs a LOT of work,a lot of work. But I can see where I need to go….
Folks I talk too are always sort of amazed at how much fun basic chores were when Lori and I did them together. I hear couples who either don’t work together or will pawn off the tasks because one works a “real” job. When I ask a married co-worker or friend what they are doing and they say “housework,errands,shopping,laundry”,etc…I always ask if the spouse is helping out and so many say “No”. Of course I don’t get that mindset,its alien to how we worked.
I know I have really let things go to hell outside the house,of course getting ripped off last year didn’t help. Thank heaven my good neighbor Rich came through for me and we did get a lot done. I still need to tackle the backyard something fierce! I am doing my next Pink Hat Mission next weekend…I am picking up trash on the side of the roadway in my town. There are two long undeveloped stretches that seem to attract litter like no one’s business so our town is asking for help in policing the two roads. Seems right up my alley and I may even have a partner for a hour if I can convince her to join me. The cheetah says “Ain’t going to happen” but with a Biggby’s right down the street….we’ll see!!
I can’t lie,every day hurts tremendously,I am glad I am working in receiving this summer season..its just my buddy Batroc and Dan for the most part. I have very contact with the public and I am okay with this…spring seems to bring out couples and watching folks shop,plan and hold hands…well,it really affects me a lot. While I am happy for them and think its very cool,its still very painful to see. Memories are there,reminders of what you had…
When you are just trying to make it day to day,it doesn’t take much to upset the apple cart,no matter how strong that cart is. My real close friends I see in my daily life,they know I project a professional,cheerful persona but they say my eyes tell the real story. I am sure that will always be the case but anyone who knew Lori understands where I am coming from.
Its 11:15 pm
Got back from having dinner and coffee with my friend Sue. We headed out,it just started sprinkling but by the time we headed back home,it was raining pretty well,I suspect it will rain all night. She had just returned from a annual gathering of good friends and showed me the pictures. The Great Lakes are still frozen in the UP,we had the same issue last year with our record snowfall. It led to our annual severe weather period being skipped for the 3rd time in the past four years and we had a very mild summer.
But I am not getting this feeling this year,we already have had a couple of thunderstorms rumble through so far this year. Glad to get ANY kind of rain.
Been a very busy week at work,its actually a huge reason why I haven’t written as much lately,I am just so worn out working a normal 40 hour week plus dealing with my insomnia that I don’t know which end is up anymore. I am so glad to have a full week but I also know I only can get this for 13 weeks unless a miracle happens and a full time spot opens up…
I was scheduled to do a Pink Hat Mission today for my town…this is how I put it in my FB Positive News Group this morning:
Bad news/good news department.
Good news- worked a long 10 hour day yesterday.
Bad news – I started at 2 pm and didn’t leave until 12 am
good news- Paladin is feeling so much but I am beat.
Bad news – I missed my volunteer project,I was expecting to work a 12-8:30 shift.
Good news- I performed first aid on a 18 year old new worker who cut himself,he ended up getting 4 stitches. He seemed a little dazed at how fast I had him treated at the job. If he only knew,right?
Because of a unseen schedule change,my buddy Batroc and I came in at 2:00 pm instead of 12:00 noon and we stayed til midnight which made for a long day. We both needed to go to the Wal-Mart across from work so we did that as well. I came home and of course couldn’t sleep for about 90 minutes despite a warm purring cheetah curled up on the bed. I woke up so sore this am….took a hot shower and tried to jump start my butt in gear.
Went out for some small errands,picked up cat food and two cans of Sunday treats.
Then bounced over to Dollar Tree which normally is a quick in and out. Not anymore and certainly not on the weekends! The IHOP that just opened is very busy and the parking lot,which is badly chewed up anyways,is now overfilling from the diner. It makes for a very interesting parking experience to say the least!
Came home and had lunch and then did some household chores.
I guess I will let my fingers take this wherever this will be going.
The Subway Series started this weekend between the New York Yankees and the other team plays in the city,the Mets. Going into this season the Yankees looked to be a 4th place team and the Mets would be in the mix for a playoff spot. In fact my buddy and fellow Musketeer,Justin,both feel the Yanks and the Phillies could lose 100 games this season. So that is our “watch” for this season…wins are frowned on but every loss is celebrated. The Phils jumped out to a 4 game lead as the Yankees somehow,someway managed to go 7-3 on the road and still have enough in the tank to snap the 11 game win streak of the Mets. Of course the Yankees reverted back to form in getting hammered 8-2 today behind the awful pitching of CC Sabathia.
Now I know in my heart the Yanks shouldn’t lose 100 games…the Phils on the hand,they might indeed manage that feat. But I got a kick of watching my long time friend Slade Wilson get all fired up over the Mets 13-3 start. I swear he was ready to dash out and buy his World Series tickets THIS WEEK!! Guess when you are used to following a high school team,you get used to playing those 20-30 game schedules….but a MLB schedule is 162 games and its a long drawn out season. I mean if the season were to end today,then yes,Slade could go get those tickets….but you have to forgive Mets fans,its been 30 years since they won a Series….they made it to the 2000 World Series but got pounded by…..well,you can take a guess.
My buddy said that Series is “old news”….funny,for old news,it sure was easy pulling it up on Google. *LOL* I do believe Slade will have the last laugh this year as the Mets look very good on the mound as they have so many good arms stacked up. But as long as the Yanks can beat them,all will be well.
So I had my first health crisis with Paladin this past week. I came home from work and was greeted by his usual way of greeting me which is a huge flop and begging me to rub his belly and then pick him up for a cuddle and a kiss on the head. While that happened,he also turned his head and showed me his right eye was swollen close. I turned on the kitchen light and took a close look…the eye was shut and he had tears coming out of the eye. It was at 11:30 at night and so I had to wait to make a appointment with vet’s office. I decided to try a new clinic after the heartless treatment I got from the clinic I used for Ginger and Derek Jeter. I decided to go with a clinic a half mile down the road from me. I called and made an appointment for the following day as they had no openings before I had to go to work. I set up a 9:50 am appointment and went to work. While it distressed me to leave him like that for one more day,his spirit was robust and he was eating and drinking with no problems.
Our family friend Cheryl volunteered to go with us and I accepted. I moved the cat carrier upstairs the night before just as I had done with Derek and Ginger. Paladin is very easy to get into the carrier and at 9:30 am,we were on the way.
The clinic is very nice,they have three entry points,one for dogs,one for cats and one for exotics…that is the one we went through.
We checked in,Paladin made a couple of small cheetah meows and soon we were being called in….and the fun truly started. I got him in the room and let him out…where as he came out in full combat mode,puffed up to twice his size and growling. The tech said “Uh,maybe we better let him calm down” I agreed and then I talked to Paladin,he was not happy and he let me know….I suggested Cheryl wait outside as I sat down and talked to the cheetah. He was calming down just a hair when the doctor and tech came back in…which only set him off again.
The tech got some heavy duty gloves and went to pick him up….his roar filled the room,I could hear someone outside go “What the HELL is in there???” Cripes,I was asking the same thing and I was in the room!!
Anyways,the doctor examined Paladin and said he had caught a virus,she gave us some drops and then weighed him. My tiny 11 pound cheetah is now weighs a healthy 15.4 pounds. I opened his carrier and he walked inside,I picked him up,paid the bill (a very reasonable 100.00 dollars,including the meds) and headed home.
I let him out of his carrier,I thought he would be still upset but he was very sweet and let me pick him up and was purring a mile a minute,he was glad to be home. And he is a excellent patient as far as getting his meds,a simple scruff and 20 seconds later its over and he is good to good. His eye is back to normal and his spirits are sky high.
And speaking of the cheetah….so as you know from following me here,I like Pop Secret popcorn. I follow them both on Facebook and Twitter. When they run a picture contest,I submit a shot of the cheetah…I missed out on build a fort but entered the “Guard Your Gold” contest featuring the cheetah in full guard mode. I was trying to win a copy of “The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies”. I entered and then forgot,I mean after all,thousands entered,right?
Imagine my happy surprise when Pop Secret sent me a message saying I had won a copy of the movie for a digital download. I am not comfortable with downloading so I wrote back thanking them but asking if I could get a DVD instead. The rep answered back and said they had only been provided with digital copies. I said I understood,I declined the copy and asked if we could have some popcorn instead. The rep said “Of course you can have some popcorn” and they would send it that week. (being last week). I saw the box on my doorstep on my way to work so I put it in my car and off I went.
I told my buddy Batroc about the package so we went to see what Pop Secret had sent. I open up the box and not only do I have popcorn but a personal note AND a BluRay version of the movie!! I was not expecting that to say the least but I guess not everyone sent in a cheetah in full guard mode. So thank you Moe and Pop Secret for a nice sliver of light in Paladin and my lives.
30 Apr 15
Its 12:24 am
Still writing this entry,I am home from work and just soaked my feet while nibbling on some light popcorn a friend dropped off. I feel myself growing quieter each day as May approaches and I am back again in the last 20 days of Lori’s life. Anniversary dates are very rough for us left after our loved one has gone. One of my co-workers was having a very emotional day as her husband’s date is upcoming,she was in a lot of pain. I encouraged her to talk to our new manager,that he would understand….which he did. Not that he has lost any spouse but you don’t have to lose someone in order to have compassion. Our manager talked to her for about 20-25 minutes before he sent her home. It was a page from the Howard Campbell book of being a good human being FIRST and a manager second.
But this isn’t uncommon for folks like me….standing behind a young couple while they talk about what they need to make their yard look pretty. Gentle discussion,both listening to each other. Its why I am glad I am working in the back this summer so I don’t have to see this often. Don’t get me wrong,I love that couples shop together,I am just remembering the days we did this. The lost dreams that will never happen on this earth…
Going to be headed back to Ann Arbor this Sunday,don’t know what I will be doing or seeing but I want it to be outside. Something fun and different,maybe a museum or a play put on by a small theater troupe…I will let you know where I land at.
That is all I have for now. If you are on Twitter,feel free to follow me @Jinzo_2400.
Karen – Thank you so much for the very cool Gwinnett College t-shirt! That is the first sports gear I have gotten in two years…very stoked on this!!
Cheryl- Thank you for helping me with the cheetah. Jerry and you are true lifesavers.
Moe from Pop Secret – That was very,very cool of you to hook me with the BluRay…the cheetah and I are grateful.
Angie – You’re the best.
Slade Wilson- Thanks for the phone call! Enjoyed talking about baseball with you as always,I do think the Mets can make the playoffs.
Susan – Sorry about the Wings but if they re-sign Babcock and get a forward with a right handed shot who can score….look out!
Atlanta- Thank you for the follow.